I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
