Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
