Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
