This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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