I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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