Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize