Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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