He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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