New low: just hacked my moms facebook
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Mom said you looked used
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
