Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
