How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
