Will you blow on my dice?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
