I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
