He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
