I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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