I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
