Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
