i love accidental penises.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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