I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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