im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
