I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
