Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
