dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
