Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
