You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
