Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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