I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
