11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
