on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
