i jhust puked up my retainher.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
