I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots