They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
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He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight