i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk