Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
