you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.