Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.