how can u be prego again
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across