Already got asked if we're dating
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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