what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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