He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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