you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
