So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
