is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize