I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize