My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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