This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
