Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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