He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
