this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
