I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize