Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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