no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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