youre lurking in front of me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
