who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
