If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize