Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
