why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
