I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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