At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think my moral compass just broke
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
