Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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