so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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