Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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