I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize