He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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