Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
