Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
