I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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