The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
