Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
