Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
