I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
