i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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