from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
